“The people I’ve met so far have been lovely – everyone is just a regular person, after all,” he says. “It might sound like rules are really boring and not sexy, but it’s important to feel safe and secure if you’re going to have a good time.” James and his partner are yet to try swinging clubs, but James says it’s “on the list”. James also stipulated penetrative sex was not always necessary – “There’s so much else you can do that’s better served by strangers” – but if it happened, there had to be protection. If it didn’t feel right, I didn’t want to have to go through with it just because I was there.” James says most people in the swinging community – they used a dating app called Feeld – will understand beginners’ nerves and there is no pressure. I wanted to meet any potential couples in a nonsexual setting first and I wanted power of veto. “I had guidelines in my head at all times. I did lots of research before I said yes.” James found out more about The Lifestyle to help him set boundaries and their plan of action. “It didn’t shock me, but I was nervous even talking about it. “My boyfriend brought it up when we were watching porn,” he says. James and his boyfriend have been involving other couples in their sex life for the last two years. Have an idea of how you’ll either together explore your own fantasies or whether you’ll be more independent in your explorations.” Have intentions and boundaries for how you’ll deal with feelings of insecurity or jealousy if they arise. “If you do decide to try swinging, decide beforehand what your boundaries are as a couple. Tiwari says it’s all about knowing your limits in advance. Grab your car keys” and scoot over to your mates’ house for an orgy. You can’t just say, “Oh, by the way, darling, we swing now. In all aspects of your sex life, it’s important to be open and honest with one another about what you both want.
It helps if we need to talk anything through outside the relationship.”Īnyone looking to try a new kink should understand it is, always, about consent, which means if you want to try The Lifestyle, both of you need to be on board. “In fact, keeping it a secret between us, and away from most of our friends, is quite a kick, although we do confide in close friends. That’s not what it’s about for us,” he says. It’s really enhanced the sex we have together.” Ryan and his girlfriend don’t bonk on their own doorstep though, choosing to meet other couples online and attend the odd club. The thought of her with another guy turns me on and vice versa, but there’s still that element of trust there that stops us feeling left out. “My girlfriend and I love sharing our stories after a meet-up. Ryan is in his early thirties, has been in The Lifestyle for five years and agrees.
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